Review: Bioshock

So, I normally wouldn't do this.

I realize that this blog has had a bit of an RPG/SMT slant lately, and I decided to shake that up a bit by going back to a game I'd abandoned due to it being, in a word, "awful". I absolutely fucking hated this game. I am not cursing there just to be hip or edgy, I mean it.

Why bother going back, then? I realized that it was probably a PEBCAC error* and that me running around aimlessly because this game sucks dick at giving directions, maybe a walkthrough would get me reenergized. This time I played the game all the way through the end, and I have to say, what follows might (or might not) be shocking:

Gameplay/Sound

It's a stereotypical FPS-with-a-twist, being the plasmid system and the amount of environmental manipulation available in the pre-Portal FPS genre. Speaking of Portal, in terms of environmental dickery this game doesn't really match up anymore, with hacking terminals and hacking drones and hacking turrets and hacking cameras getting really really really really really old after a while. Hacking a turret is not anywhere near as fun as picking a turret up and throwing it through a portal to collide into other turrets like some kind of hyperdimensional turret-bowling.

That said, the plasmid system was kind of cool, but it suffers from the God of War problem: I didn't really find myself experimenting around a lot because I was better served spending my time and effort staying alive. The shotgun, as always, was my go-to weapon except when fighting Big Daddies (whom, as it turns out, hate trip bolts).

To be fair you can sort of tell the FPS genre was the frame upon which the rest of the game was set, rather than the main attraction, but I'm being thorough.

The sound effects and music were pretty quality. I really have nothing to add to that, they're up to par I guess?

Plot

You gain control of your character immediately after a plane crash over the ocean, swimming your way to a monolith that serves as an entry port to Rapture, a city under the sea. Rapture has gone completely to shit, drunk on its own free market capitalism and super-powered gene-junkies are flailing around trying to eat you to take your powers. In the midst of all this there's a few key citizens engaged in a power struggle who try to use you as an ace up their sleeve, since you're a mind-control puppet programmed to go along with any command issued as long as it's prefaced with "would you kindly".

Huh?

The plot's a fucking mess. As soon as you arrive you're jammed directly into the middle of all of these events and are given no motivation whatsoever to play on except that "that's what you do" in games like this. It's reminiscent of the landmark game Doom, wherein you are asked to find the red key to open the red key door to complete the level. Enthralling. Seriously though, I didn't give a shit about anyone in Rapture, especially myself, because the game didn't sell me on any of the stuff I'm supposed to be motivated to do, so instead I ended up playing the game just to play it.

... Oh, I get it. I've been had!

The atmosphere and city, however, were all really well-done and I'd appreciate a revisit to the setting with someone who can write a story. Maybe a play of Bioshock 2 is required since the same people who lauded the first one are giving the new one a big giant "meh".

Overall

Maybe I just came to the party too late? Maybe this game is just unplayable post-Portal? Maybe the only reason people go back and play it is because nostalgia is a tricky bitch? Maybe I have no taste? Maybe there are ordinary chemicals in my house that are killing my children? I guess my point is, the game was well-done mechanically and thematically but the plot was a steaming mess, and overall the package was mediocre. I think the only way Rapture might find salvation is via depth charge.

- E

* A PEBKAC error is when the Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair. The C in PEBCAC is controller, since I played it on a 360. Witty.